I love you...

What does that even mean now? I love you……its so over used and messed up. When someone tells me they love me. it’s a very complex situation. What tone did they say it in? Who is saying it? Do I love them (yes/no)? If I do love them do I confess it right there too? If I don’t love them back…….I tell them that? (just my fleeting first thoughts) If its someone that I deem a creep, I have no issue just letting them have it, and laying it to them straight “thank you I’m flattered, I just don’t feel the same way” if its someone I fear is a suicide risk and have invested a lot towards me and worships the ground I walk on I try and let them down a little nicer “awee thank you (when someone says “thank you” after you tell them that you love them…..its not a good sign)…….I am working on that one. I want to be nice and I know the pain that follows when someone doesn’t feel that same way about you, but I don’t want to lead them on at the same time. (A little to fresh to rehash.) I don’t tell people I love them unless I love them (clearly) or love something they are doing or just did. Hi I’m Alisa I don’t love you just the activity you are doing? See messy subject. Then there is the whole love language. Love. L-O-V-E (love in between the lines) Luv (pretty sure this is the pussy way of saying I love you.) I have used this before (I’ll admit it) when I really like the person, but its “to soon” to admit hey I want to marry you! Then we digress into symbols <3= love, </3 = broken heart, X’s and O’s for hugs and kisses. Throwin up the heart sign when connecting finger tips and thumbs (both hands necessary) and btw this really annoys me. The half a heart bulls**t! where im supposed to connect my one hand with yours, to show that you complete my heart……..if I had half a heart I would either be on a transplant waiting list, being a guinea pig waiting for an animal donor, or dead. I get the symbolic niceness of it, but please……I complete myself. Someone else (complete of course) can interact with me, maybe even sexually? (< did just happen) but none of this love lingo BS. You either say it and stand by it “I LOVE YOU “strong and loud. Or not at all. It means way more when you believe it, not just saying it because someone said it to you, and it’s the “right thing” to say back. Before I say it to someone I think about the times I have heard it said to me inauthentic usually a good gage.
I recently was on the phone with someone and for those of you who don’t know I might have a slight issue staying focused…..I could just be the poster child (young adult) for ADHD, ADD, METH, etc. I was on a somewhat important phone call, and I overheard a mother talking to her daughter closing the conversation with “aright honey I love you and miss you, can’t wait to see you” (aweee I know) well I was also wrapping up my call (with someone of superior position to me) and my “I look forward to working with you” somehow turned into “I look forward to I miss you cant wait to see you I love you”………silence on the other end. Silence and then click there was no time to retract the statement. I sat there in shock, how do I even go about fixing that one? “No I didn’t mean that? I don’t love you, I uhhh mean I’m sure you’re a loveable person, uhhhhh” No that is a painful conversation in it of itself. How about when someone likes you, and then does that stalker thing……I know you know what I’m talking about…….the absolute need to greet you, help you out at work, or school, wherever it is interaction is necessary. When the other party displays signs of collecting evidence for shrine construction Ohh yeaa it happens. Its complicated to drop them, because they are friends of a friend, or at school/work and you don’t want to make it awkward (well more awkward). I have gone to extremes in this area…….I once got on all 4’s under a table hiding from someone. (he saw me and I looked like a crazy gurlll) but I view it as a learning experience. I learned I make a mean coffee table and rocks don’t belong in knee caps.
Ok things I love:
My fluffs
My family
My friends
My car
In n Out
Rain
Beach action
Spontaneity
Bundt Cakes
Christmas
Tina Fey
Laughing so hard it hurts
The smell of Clorox wipes

Dedicated to Ciera and Megan my long distance LOVErs

Spring has Sprung or the semester at least

Something’s I feel need to be addressed. There is a I’m going to call it epidemic of rave attire, behavior, lingo, accessories etc. My personal opinion is that you look like what my grandmother would label as a “delinquent” and I’m sure your parents recognize it as a “phase” and all the “cool kids are doing it”, but enough is enough shoe laces are not belts, rainbow hair is not a REAL hair color, and I know for a fact that you can not eat the “candy” bracelets. I could go on, but since I find myself surrounded by this epidemic I don’t want to be jumped on Tuesday. I feel completely comfortable acknowledging the next topic……and that is my classmates. I enjoy observing all of you, however that is a large task, so it will take me a while to analyze all of you. The ones I have observed so far……it doesn’t look to good for our generation. I would like to take this time to recognize the group of self called “Religious Mimes”…..please explain to me what it is exactly that you act out? The Virgin Mary? Nativity Scenes? Bible Studies? Church camp? The Pope that must be a crowd pleaser…
Now I have already experienced this, but I was much more how should I say it supported in my misery. Freshman year of high school I sat in front of a kid who had Tourettes, now being that we were all 14 and might I just add what a fun time that was, I felt comfortable sharing confused and uncomfortable eye contact with all of my classmates. This time its different I don’t speak to anyone in this class not because I don’t want to believe me I need someone to share these moments with, but because my new classmates are drawing on each others eyebrows (might I suggest either black/brown or brown for a more natural drawn on look?) incessantly clicking pens, flinging ear wax, chipping nail polish, or speaking their native tongue in the back so I find myself alone. I’ll admit it I struggle in this subject a little, ok a lot, which is why I need to pay attention and attend class on a regular basis. I mean this with kindness and I am willing to work with you on maybe like a schedule type of basis or I can skype you into class whatever works best. The seal noises need to end not a little bit, not toned down, I need complete silence from your general corner in order to pass this class. I haven’t researched Tourettes so I’m not sure if you like the sound of seals, seals in general, or the sound your barking echoing in the lecture hall. Now you guys can call me a meanie or whatever, but your not in the class, so you don’t know therefore your opinion does not count. I understand not having control over something and being embarrassed about it. So we need to work out an agreement.
The parking situation the absurd trek I was forced to embark on the dehydration and charlie horse shooting through my left leg is exactly how I like to spend my Thursday mid morning. As for my professors I think we can be friends and I am willing to have a meet n greet BBQ when the weather cooperates, so if any of you know how to barbeque let me know. I’ll supply the meat? Ty if you are reading this. Rehash your trash……not the best for the 2^nd day impression. Some of my favorite quotes so far are “you are all big bags of organs” “I’d mark my territory by peeing all over this door” I get the bag of organs reference, I can get past that, personally I like to think of myself as a bag of raw tissues? Uhhhh. The peeing all over this door to mark territory, so is that why the room has that “smell?” or because you teach anatomy or the lack of air flow in the room and over flow of warm bodies? I guess it could be worse. I could be attending Frayser High School. Helloooo Memphis’s Frayser High I was unaware that you guys were solely funding Teen Mom, 16 & Pregnant, Maury, I didn’t know I was pregnant, Pregnant & Peril, well that gets me off the hook this semester. Ahh I can breathe easy now. I’ll just stick with Lock Up Raw San Quentin edition!