Californication

Californication as defined by Urban Dictionary # 9.-Embracing the superficial lifestyle Hollywood projects. Doing so often leads to valuing the fake, superfluous, and materialistic things in life over what is truly important. What every socialite in the City of Angels would have you believe is the one true way to live.
I have never introduced myself to another person and said I’m from SOCAL! (ever) I don’t think of going to the beach as a day trip, but more of another Tuesday afternoon. I am very familiar with songs such as, We got more bounce in California, and California Gurls. I know where every In n Out is between San Diego and Redding. I overuse the term “bitchin” on a semi regular basis. I abuse my sunroof and have probably laid the foundation for some pretty good chances of skin cancer. During the months of August through November I consider myself on “firewatch” however my definition of firewatch differs from the local news reporters.
Firewatch (Verb)- in a state of heightened awareness. Hunting or stalking firefighters in the Ventura County region. Used in a sentence below:
The very attractive and single ; ) young woman is never really off firewatch, and is willing to do multiple rounds of speed dating at the station.
Despite what many websites say Blue and Gold are not the official state colors, blue representing the sky and gold representing the Gold Rush. Bronze and Blonde are. In representation of people who have never actually traveled here. The state motto is “Eureka!” although I am willing to challenge that to “If you got it flaunt it.”
Actual laws in California:
Men who wear mustashes are forbidden from kissing women. (that’s just common courtesy.)
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. (It happens more than you think.)
Permanent markers may not be sold in the city limits. This one comes from Fresno, CA. Funny markers may not be sold, but meth may be and is cooked.
Public Restrooms must be supplied with toilet paper…….as opposed to?
I firmly believe no one should have to endure a California Burrito. This is a lethal combination of carne asada, sour cream, steak fries, and of course cheese. All stuffed into a tortilla. If the inside doesn’t already look like vom. You will want to when your trying to swallow. One should however partake in the In n Out phenomenon. Your trip, tour, visit, etc. is never complete without this fine food experience. Secret there is a hidden secret menu. Another secret California Pizza Kitchen not all its cracked up to be.
California attractions I tend to consider on a frequent basis:
Going to a nude resort in Palm Springs.
Playing hop scotch on the Golden Gate Bridge
Becoming one at the Monterey Bay Aquarium
Going to Napa and racing barrels
Going to Disneyland with the Octuplets
Doing an aerobics video on Muscle Beach in spanx so I give the illusion of a lean mean fighting machine.